Despite It All, A Great 2012

I ate so many black-eyed peas.

Sooooooo many black-eyed peas.

It was very easy to do so.  I’m not the B’klyn<3 of yester-years, that much is certain.  Those foods I used to eschew as a child (fruits, vegetables, whole grains, anything not

Rainbow on a Cloudy Day 1

The best thing about sunshine on a cloudy day...

a pizza) are ones I adore over the past 10 years (in full force now with the veganist lifestyle).

Also, Appetite for Reduction recipes can do no wrong in my book, and Hottie Black-eyed Peas is no exception.

In 2012, I started with new hope and new direction.  Despite not having New Year’s Resolutions per se (when they come, they come and start immediately), I did feel the extra rush of a blank slate to start new and fresh.  I’ve felt calmer, more relaxed than I have in a very long time.  At the same time, I was excited about pursuing some new direction in my life, thinking about possibilities for the future.

A scant 4 days into the new year, this all came crashing to a halt – quite literally.  An early morning drive on a clear, bright sunny day (which was producing quite a bit of sun glare) resulted in a crash into my car being rear-ended and me going to the emergency room via ambulance, a confused, hurt and quite blubbering mess.

Before we hit panic buttons, let me assure you that I am fine, as was the driver of the other vehicle.  After transport, I was seen after, given brief physical tests and scans.  I had a “goose egg” on my head, but was given a couple of prescriptions for pain and muscle relaxant and sent home some hours later.

I didn’t take the prescriptions at first, thinking they were not exactly needed, but some advice from others coupled with delayed muscle reaction a few days later showed me that I did.  They do help, but make me more air-headed than I naturally tend to be.

I’m very nearly recovered now, as the muscles relax and the pain diminishes.  The funny thing (if there can be funny in auto accidents) is that I found myself focusing on many positive things versus the very negativity of the situation.

  • My husband (The Husband) was there for me immediately, helping me make sense of things where nothing made sense.  I think I was crying when I gave him the worse directions in the world as to where the accident happened, but he was there quickly. I was grateful for his love and support, as well as him being the sensible one to help me communicate with the police, ambulance, etc.
  • Three out of four hospital workers that visited me in the room gave me a blanket.  I still had on my coat, but must have been shivering like a chihuahua.  One went so far as to remove the previously fetched blankets, place a “fresh from the oven” blanket over me, and then replace the removed blankets. I am grateful for those who help keep me warm.
  • The other driver was alive.  A lot of my freak out and panic came from seeing the other driver’s car magically  next to mine (after calls to 911 and The Husband).  All I could see from my vantage point was a very crushed front-end, airbags, and legs, but no movement.  Fortunately, Good Samaritans were also able to interpret my useless babble and let me know the other driver was also calling emergency services.  I’m grateful others stopped to help and tend.
  • I am alive!  Certainly it was not a minor accident, but thankfully it wasn’t also a major one.  A change in any of the conditions could have made the pendulum swing one way or the other, but the fact of the matter is, for bumps on the head or stiffness in the neck or pain in the shoulders, I am truly and ever grateful that God [or your choice of deity, karma, or random chance here] was watching over us that day and that  ultimately, everyone was okay.
Rainbow on a Cloudy Day 2

... is the resulting rainbow.

So here I am, blogging again about my vegan foods, my wild banana consumption, my crazy and oft-times lazy running training, my always being cold (now colder than ever since I lost all that weight) and about life in general.  A life I get to continue to live, and a life that I continue to love.  Big plans ahead, and it’s well past time to pursue my dreams and live my life to the fullest!

I think the ® of I Hate Everything can go ahead and take a hike now.

Happy, blessed and safe new year to all!

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I’m Talkin’ ‘Bout The Woman In the Mirror

Why So Angry Pants?

This is an incredibly useful B'klyn<3 image, hence it's incredible over-use in this blog.

A couple of months ago, I looked in the mirror and did not like what I saw.

I was horrified, repulsed and thoroughly disgusted.

Before anyone flies off the handle at me, know that this is not a post about how fat I am (because I know I’m not fat despite how fat I think I am which I think is just part-and-parcel of being a woman in this day and age, and my mind is still playing catch-up with the new me).

This is also not a post about how physically unattractive I am.  Trust me; I could wax poetic about the 247 distinct physical flaws that I have, but I’d likely bore you to tears before you could pounce on me and my self-pity parade.

This post is actually a hard one.  It’s a confession of sorts… for you see, the “mirror” I gazed into was my reflection in the eyes of an 8-year old child.

Some people know this, and some people don’t, so for the record:  I’m not a person of patience, nor one of keeping my temper in check.

I’m not sure how or why it evolved; while I believe I’m turning more and more into my mother (and this I don’t mind at all), there are parts of me that are very much unlike her.  My father died when I was very young, so I don’t know the how or where it developed that I would become incredibly impatient and then angry at everything.  People.  Inanimate objects.  Myself.

It’s how I developed the registered trade-mark of “I Hate Everything®.”  A phrase I’ve said so much that someone once purchased me a Happy Bunny magnet with that very phrase on it.

Now, as with running, I’ve been trying to become more focused on losing the trade-mark, having more patience, and finding peace with myself and others.

A couple of months ago I found that, as with running, I haven’t been practicing very well.

There I was back then, standing in Whole Foods, trying to get stuff accomplished with The Husband.  I wanted him to go stand in line while I picked up one last item.  He hates to stand in line while I go to pick up one last item because he believes I’ll never make it back in time.

Most times, he is correct.  This particular time, however, I was nearly standing next to the thing I wanted to pick up.

“Just go,” I said for about the fourth, trying to make a dash for the final thing that would free us from the over-crowded store that day.

“If’ you’re gonna go get more stuff,” he mumbled, steering the cart away from the cash registers and more towards my direction.

I then snapped.  I do not do very well in crowds, and I do even worse when anyone, even The Husband, starts hovering around me.

“Dang it, The Husband, go wait in line!”

Now yes; I did say “dang”, not “darn” or worse… but there was no mistaking the the meaning of my words.

He jammed the cart in the other direction and headed for the check out.

I began to turn towards my last item, my freedom, when I happened to catch my reflection in “the mirror.”

Twin mirrors at that.  The eyes of an 8-year old boy gazing up at me.  They grew large as saucers as he emitted a scandalized gasp that seemed to go on forever.

I was suddenly humiliated.  I was horrified, repulsed and thoroughly disgusted.

I do believe I turned 7000 shades of purple as I went for my item.  I heard the little boy whisper to someone, an older female relative.  I heard the adult “tsk” and “at least you know better” and other key phrases, each further deepening my shame.

Some claim to patience, peace and losing the trade-mark I have been making.

Since that time, I’ve been working-actually working– on the inner peace.

Like the running, it’s not been easy.

Today, I went to run after work.  As much as I didn’t want to, as much as I wanted to go home, take a nap, eat, do anything else, I actually got home, changed my clothes and went out.

Lasted all of 7 minutes in the cold, windy weather.

I’m kind of bummed.  I was also kind of bummed that I lost my patience once or twice with my pc.

But I got 7 minutes.  And there were moments where I took a breath, remained calm, and let the anger pass me by.

Small victories.  I will cling to them.  I will make them grow.  Because I want to look in that mirror and feel proud of what I see.  I never want to be that person again.

And I’ll need a lot of patience to get there.