It happens to me, more often then I’d like. At the intersection of Negative Nancy and Bitter Betsy (and just down the block from I Hate Everything®) is Crazy Pants. That was me today. The simplest of simple tasks took on complexities all their own, and I made too good a use of my cartoon cussing (ribber-rubba-rabba grunting sounds). From workout to home to work to the store and then back home again, my thoughts were dark and my life was a swirl with finding this Murphy guy and giving him a good talking to about that law of his…
|Simple. Not for every one, but it did the trick. For now.
The Husband took pity on me today and got me some spinach this morning for my lunch (thank you, The Husband, for that) and he also picked up some sushi for dinner since I was in neither the mood nor the state for going out. I got some tasty Miso, which satisfied the intense soup craving I had, but what I really, really wanted was a clear broth soup with mushrooms and onion. That wasn’t happening (big store fail today, don’t know why I keep going to that store).
Yet, still the mushrooms and the onions. I also realized I nearly missed getting in my healthy oils, so on the spur of the moment I did a quick sauté of mushrooms and onions, a little red pepper, garlic, ginger, soy sauce and pepper… and crushed red pepper, I like a little heat. Had that on its own, and found it fairly satisfying and sanity inducing. I ate that, and now I feel a little better about life. How about that?
Haven’t given up on that dream yet though. There will be the soup of my making and liking.
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Just as Buddy the Elf had his four basic food groups (candy, candy canes, candy corn and syrup), so did my young Brooklyn Heart. These were the foods that ruled in my world, and contributed to a large amount of the weight (that, thankfully, I was able to lose). They were:
- Macaroni and Cheese
- Bacon *later replaced with Pork Lo mein
And the GREATEST of these is Pizza.
Pizza, being both the top and the foundation of any food pyramid I followed. It was gorgeous and plentiful in my hometown of Brooklyn. It was what I ate when I was happy, sad, mad, curious, bored, sleepy… it was the snack I had before I went home to eat dinner! I remember when we got a Pizza Hut in Brooklyn for the first time, and it was so novel! I remember years later bitterly lamenting I ever ate it in Brooklyn when Brooklyn was no longer my home and pizza (by my standard) was not to be found in central VA. I would eat Pizza Hut, Dominoes, Little Caesars, Papa John’s, frozen, lots of bad pizza. Because it was pizza!
The big Mac and cheese! Ah! My mother, the youngest of (I don’t know, a bajillion children), did not cook, but the one thing she cooked the heck out of was baked Macaroni and cheese. There were (and still are, actually) epic battles to get the corner, which not only had the gooey cheesy pasta goodness, but also the nice crunchy crackle that edge pieces get. I would also go crazy on a box of good old Kraft Deluxe. I’d feel so good about only eating half a box that I’d celebrate by eating the other half.
Doritos were a big one for me. They looked like little pizza slices, they had salty nacho cheesy flavor, and such a crunch! I remember when they had pointy ends instead of the slightly rounded ones they have today. (I also remember being pissed that they reworked the shape and nacho cheese recipe, and I almost stopped eating them for 3 whole weeks!) This was my go-to snack for crunch and fun.
Breakfast each morning (from my mom, who did not cook very much, but breakfast was another thing she’d do) was eggs and bacon. I’d highly anticipate breakfast buffets as a child (and teen and young adult and so on) where I could fill my plate with bacon, and perhaps some other things. I liked it crunchy and in bulk… yes, please!..
Which was a big appeal to me in the one diet that might have worked if I could have stuck to it… Atkins. Ultimately, due to it’s restrictiveness, Atkins did me no favors save one – it taught me to respect bacon. It taught me that there could be a thing as too much bacon. It got me to not eat bacon for years afterward, and these days I don’t seek it out very often (though I still enjoy it).
Pork Lo mein filled the missing salt, pork and grease slot that Atkins left behind, and added pasta into that mix. It filled my stomach (bloated it really) and was my non-cheesy comfort food when the Kraft wasn’t available.
I still like these things, and will eat them (or lightened versions) on occasion except the Lo mein (which I may try a Cooking Light version), but when I seriously think about why I liked lo mein, it was more of the feeling then the actual flavor. I think about it now, I keep thinking of the oiliness, and in retrospect, it doesn’t get me out to the Chinese take out. I have bid that one au revoir.
Even mac and cheese, if I get a craving I can usually solve it with Fiber Gourmet Mac Mmm Cheese (which is nothing, no where near close, to Kraft Deluxe, but I the craving is rare and I can actually eat a human-sized portion). Once a year, I do get my Mom’s baked gorgeousness of macaroni and cheese (and she’s proud of me, so I get a corner… again, though, a human-sized portion).
Doritos I’ve had exactly 3 times since I’ve started Weight Watchers. Three times, where I sat and (since I was indulging) savored and enjoyed every single crumb over as long a period as I can stand of an actual single serve package. Two of those times, it wreaked havoc on my digestive system. This has worked well for me.
Pizza. Nothing has changed. I’ll eat bad pizza when it is proffered to me… because it is pizza. Because I could be happy eating pizza all of the time (though I would be happier to be eating a good slice of Brooklyn pizza). Pizza, to me, is the ultimate food. My youth was spent eating a plain cheese slice (because I was a kid and I hated everything that was vegetable, or other things that sullied the pure pizza taste). One day, I discovered that I actually liked garlic. And spinach. And mushrooms. And pepperoni. And gorgeous pizza could deliver this all!
I still eat pizza. Not all of the time, but it does take a lot of practiced control and planning, because I recognize I could go crazy.
Am I nervous about tomorrow’s work celebration taking place at a pizza place? Absolutely. I’ve planned around it and I’m still not sure I can be strong. I am scared. But I’m also excited. I just hope I don’t turn into the same kid who filled her plate with bacon at the breakfast buffet.
No, I should not just hope. I just won’t.
If I do, will I gain 150 pounds in one night? No.
Wish me luck!
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But what about your thing about steak? And the McDonald’s Fries? And Snickers? Why I don’t I save that for another useless blather day, eh? 😉