The Swan Dive to 40

This weekend was spent with friends, good times and aging.  Alas, I have reached the final trimester of my “mid-thirties”… one more year before I have to update the blog to describe myself as a woman in her “late-thirties” (but one hopes she can also update the pounds lost from “150+ pounds” to “170+1 to 2 pounds”).


It’s not really a big deal.  Not like last year.

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I remember distinctly when I realized I would turn 35. 


I mean, I knew I would turn 35 some day (barring some horrific accident or fatal disease stating otherwise)… but there was a precise moment of actually knowing that I would turn 35.  This would mark the first (and so far, only) time I had a problem with aging.


I was 34 at the time, and was signing up to do the Monument 10K.  It was my first time doing any type of activity, though I was just signing up for a walking wave (this event would later turn out to be my realization that I’d never walked 10K before in a row in my life).


There I was, though, 34 years of age.  Losing weight, full of hope, filling out forms with my name, my birth date, address… same for The Husband, and then paying our entry fees.


A few minutes later, confirmation email arrives.  I eagerly open it, (with foolish thoughts that I’d walk 3 of those 10Ks, easy-peasy… after all, all I ever did in Brooklyn was walk).


Read-read-read, make sure all the information is accurate, and–


“Age at time of race: 35.”


I stared at the email a few minutes.  I blinked.  I stared some more.


“Age at time of race: 35.”


I didn’t recall entering my age for anything, and I’m only thirty-fo–


“Age at time of race: 35.”


Oh, wait.  My birth date, I entered my birth date… race is after my birthday and…


“Age at time of race: 35.”


OHMYSWEETJESUSINHEAVENIAMGOINGTOBETHIRTYFIVE?!?!!!11!!1!!ONE!!


To this day, I’m not sure why that particular email elicited that particular response out of me.  Suddenly, I wasn’t a young, care-free woman of the world, but someone who should be thinking about… I dunno, mature things.  I should be sensible, put away the video games and read the New Yorker… or AARP magazine… or something.  There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.  There was much blame on my parents, the government, The Husband, and Ukrops…


I would be 35 at the time of the race.  And I was powerless to do anything about it.  


… and that’s pretty much the end of the tale… I turned 35, and my universe did not implode.  I did not start an AARP subscription, nor did I stop playing video games.  I have more than likely become less mature than I was at 34.  And once again, I don’t have a problem with my age or aging.  


Except a part of me apparently does.  And that part, we may not have seen the last of.  Bua-ha…ha?


– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

On a note of complete unrelatedness*, I am still feeling a bit crazy about my weight fluctuation and gain as of late.  I’ve been under the impression that I’m sleep-consuming Fourthmeal as I couldn’t really point to anything else in my daily routine to explain it.  

This is when I realized I was stepping on the scale 20+ times an hour.  With much wailing and gnashing of the teeth.

One of the things I did this weekend was get my hair done, and while waiting for The Husband to fetch me, I read an article (I think in Family Circle) about weight-loss advice debunked (or something similar).  One of the methods being debunked was about weighing one’s self (or not).  

The short version of it (too late) is that you should weigh yourself versus not (those that do lose more weight/maintain it better based on studies)… however, just once in the morning.

Okay, I thought.  

So, as of the past two days, I have weighed myself a grand total of… twice.  Once yesterday morning, and once this morning.  I’ve noted the number on my WeightWatchers tracker, and that’s that.  The scale has been pulled out, used, and put away.

Can I last like this?  … we’ll see.

My other change is that I realize I’ve been doing a lot of exercise at home, but have foregone the running.  Which is bad considering the 10K is right around the corner now.  Tomorrow (as that is my first actionable day to do something about it), the running gets back on track.  We’ll see how these things translate in the coming weeks, and make more changes as needed until I’m back going towards my goal instead of away from it.  

Wish me luck!

* I totally made this word up.

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Steam, Soup, Squares and Spice World

And, no.  Not that Spice World.

If the fruit is making me fat again, at least
I can maybe get on the news circuit about it…
If there is a bright side…

On Steam – To get the serious out of the way… sometimes feel like I’m running out of it.  I’m hurtling towards my 36th birthday, and feeling like I’ve not accomplished what I set out to do.  Despite my “yay me!” post of recent, it’s done nothing to improve my mood.  


Indeed, I have actually gained a little more weight.  


I’m not entirely sure why at this point.  Could be normal fluctuation, muscle… despite me thinking I am following the plan, I am somehow not…  It’s certainly not any cheeseburgers or pizza binges, so I do feel a little cheated in that respect. 


Here, I just have to remember… just because I get a flat tire, I should not get out of the car and simply slash the other three.  (My leader said this, and she’s the coolest… just sayin’).  Trying to keep strong for everyone, but it’s important to know it’s not always win… but when it’s not win, do not give up!  (See… I even have to remind myself sometimes.)

The name comes from how I could
not pronounce the name correctly!

On Soup – It’s a rare, wonderful occasion when The Husband raves on food.  It’s not his style, normally.  So when I made what I now call Faux  Phö, I was surprised to hear him rave prior to having tasted a single bite (the aroma alone sent him flying).  I really want him to be pleased with the stuff I make (since I try to go all crazy style sometimes like Hungry Girl, who is a constant inspiration), and despite my inclusion of Tofu Shirataki noodles (which he has not liked in several occasions)…  he loved this dish!  


Despite the love, I do want to make a couple of minor tweaks (as demonstrated, I need to add in a little water as the broth was not quite enough), but I have to say… the flavor was gorgeous, it was not too salty, and the best part is that it was very low calorie… thanks to Shiratake (so thanks again, Hungry Girl)!  Will make again during the birthday long weekend and post a recipe once it is 100% satisfactory (it’s 99% already).


On Squares – Second class in, and I’m still slow going… these will become my quilt front, and I have some (read: a lot!) of homework to do before next class (yay long weekend), but I’m pleased.  The colors were based on a Japanese style panel I saw, which I’ll pick up some to make a throw pillow or two.  Since I am enjoying sewing, I will be picking up a new sewing machine (yay birthday) on the nice and cheap… and it seems to have good reviews overall.  Good starter, I think.  Now, I can complain about not having any time to knit nor sew.


On this note… someone remind me that the next time I’m new at something and decide it would be a good idea to use a … thing that only makes sense in one direction and it’s important that I keep that direction consistent (such as a fabric that has kanji on it)… to stop being so crazy pants and use the KISS principle.  Why must I insist on running before I learn to walk?  This is why it takes me so long to do anything ever…

The first set to make the cut.
More to follow…

And, of course, on Spice World – So, after never hearing about Penzey Spices, and then hearing about it from two separate sources in a matter of 14 hours… I finally got to make my first visit.  Fantastic!  I think I wanted one of about everything in the store.  Such a variety of wonderful smells!  I really wanted to pick up all the cinnamon they had (I’m such a cinnaholic these days…) but eventually picked out the very best one (which did turn out to be the one my friend, the first source, also had and gave me a delicious sample), as well as… well, as you can see, I went a little spice-crazy.  Just a little.  So far have sampled 2 of them within hours of returning and will have at least 2 more before the night is through and the rest within the rest of this week… The damage was not as bad as it could have been, but I have to save some for future visits, right?  


The spice must flow!  It does make me zig-a-zig-ah!  … and various other bad jokes.

Ten Things That I Don’t Find Grotesquely Horrible and Abhor About Me

Better late than never! *


After last week’s unbelievable 4.4 pound weight loss (unbelievable and unexpected), we are back up… but only by 1.2 pounds, which puts me at 12.8 pounds to my goal weight.

Recent Sunday Run-day trip.  Because I
wanted to have at least 1 picture…

So, no.  I did not gain back 160 pounds.  I didn’t even gain back 4.4 pounds.  My first two digits didn’t even budge.  Does it hurt?  Yeah, still a little, but the damage was not as bad as my brain thought it would be (considering I probably weighed the crap out of myself and wound up ultimately confusing myself as to what to expect… so I must really work on that bad habit).


However, this post will no longer be about the scale and numbers, as that was not my homework.  This is about those things that the scale does not necessarily tell you… the great things that have occurred, are occurring, and will continue to occur so long as I keep on track.


Without further ado (and in no particular order):




I run.  This, to me, is one of the crazy things that I still do not believe.  This was a habit born from my general desire to take walks when I’m trying to work out a puzzle, am frustrated, am happy, or want to go to downtown Brooklyn for a slice and a comic book (at least, through my 18th year…)  Running, on the other hand, was a thing I avoided like the plague (and a grand topic for another post)… but the funny thing about being outside and being in fresh air was that I wanted to go faster.  And then somehow, I was doing it.  Very slowly, little bits at a time.


Now don’t get me wrong.  I suck at it.  I go very slow.  I’m still trying to build up stamina to run longer.  I will never be a racer.  However, even though it is imperfect… I’m still doing it.  And actually enjoy it.  That’s a big victory to me right there.




I received unsolicited comments on my cooking.  The other day, my food was accused of smelling good, and that made me very happy (especially since it was my Spinach and Artichoke Ziti Bake… though I may also have been very happy because I love that dish and was about to chow down…).  The Husband grumbles about the groceries and the amount of dishes I use, but I think he’s been enjoying it too.  My great desire to taste and try everything has worked well to keep me from feeling deprived… which I’m not!  It’s nice to know there are other things out there to eat aside from pizza, pizza, macaroni and cheese, pizza, bacon, pizza, Doritos, pizza and pizza.


(But I still like pizza.)


I received unsolicited comments on my looks.  I do have folks that will come up to me (especially if they haven’t seen me in months or even years) and tell me that I’m looking great, which is cool since I never feel that way.  


It’s just the way I am… but isn’t everyone, to some extent?


The one example I can think of though that feel great was the other day when I was blathering on to The Husband about… I dunno, something.  Yarn, cooking, knitting, work… some topic.  I looked up at him and noticed he had this strange look on his face… a thoughtful, concentrated look.


“What’s wrong?” I ask, arching an eyebrow at him.


He stared at me a few seconds more.  “You’re beautiful,” he finally said.  He talked about how he liked my hair right then (which I’d though was just frizzy) and how my collar was popped up (I thought this was just my collar being super annoying that day), and that I had some sort of 80s vibe going on (???)… and that I looked really beautiful.  It was something about the way he said it that really touched me… it wasn’t some sort of obligation, but a sudden urge to say I was pretty.  I mention it, though perhaps his perspective may be slightly biased… because I don’t think his comment came from there.  And it made me happy.


I feel fantastic.  This year I learned truly what sickness is (or at least I think I have, I’m sure there is sicker).  For the most part, I feel incredible.  I’ve never felt so healthy and alive… or, rather, my definition of healthy and alive has greatly changed.  I’d been perfectly happy to sit in a chair for 8 hours at work and an additional 6-8 hours at home playing video games… I do find it hard these days to sit still very long at all.  I want to do everything (and, yes, this includes playing video games… just not for 6-8 hour stretches anymore).  I want to run to the top of a mountain and cry out “The Hills are Alive!  … run for your lives?”


Living hills can be scary. 🙂


I have more confidence.  If it seems I will come talk to you more, it is because I do.  It’s hard.  It’s hard for me to even do this… I don’t tend to open up about the true me very often.  I oft times think a lot of the blather you see in my posts is just that… though you may see a tiny seed or spark of true B'<3 here and there.  It's still hard for me… but I think doing this is helping me get out there at least to try to help others if I can.  Also, just in general, I do feel more confident to talk and deal with people.  I think I'll always be an introvert (the last Myers-Briggs test I took had me slightly past the high end of introvert), at least it is a start.


I do, in fact, have a skeletal structure.  I had been excited when I had the merest hint of a collar bone.  It turns out there was a full one there all along.  Sometimes this does freak me out because… well, I’ve never known this, so I often think there’s too much loss going on and people will freak out that I’m starving myself (very untrue, I eat all the time)… but sometimes, I see it and think it is kind of cool.  Just need to make sure that it doesn’t become freaky… build those muscles around it (I guess I should mention here as part of this one that I still have teeny-tiny triceps… yay!)


I own clothing I never thought I’d be able to wear (and some didn’t even enter consideration).  This occurred this past weekend.  I was able to fit into (and therefore purchased) a shirt in a size “S”.  I never owned a size small before, and didn’t think it’d be possible (I only tried it on because it was super cute and did not come in medium).  I am almost afraid to wear it!  


My pant size as well was not a small… but was a size that even a couple of sizes ago I did not think I could get to… and yet, now I own pants in a size I thought was out of reach.  


My thighs are actually smaller.  Don’t get me wrong. I will hate my thighs forever.  Hips hang out on the size and my patootie will follow me around and make fun of me forever, but thighs are the things I get to see all of the time and they just grow and grow and grow, obscuring all else…


… except they don’t.  Even I can’t say they haven’t gotten smaller.  It may be a while yet before my mental image if me catches up with me completely, but I do know that I will still hate my thighs, think them ginormous and accuse them of hatching some plot of adding pizza slices directly to their girth… 


Here is the only compliment they’ll get… they’ve gotten smaller, I can recognize that if I don’t look directly at them… also fitting into those pants I thought I’d never fit into also helps argue that case.


My wedding ring is on my thumb.  This was a victory to my earlier NSV of my ring fitting on my index finger.  I’d gotten the idea from my leader, and while The Husband and I have talked about getting it resized when I’m done (with weight loss, will never be done with weight management nor WeightWatchers), 


I got on the scale today*.  Make that yesterday, for my WeightWatchers weigh-in.  I know… this was not supposed to involve the scale or numbers… but this is an important victory.  I’ve missed 1 weigh-in ever (cruise), I’ve wanted to miss several due to knowing the week would be bad.  This last one was no exception.  


The first day I ever weighed in, I wore jeans and sneakers.  I didn’t wear light pants, nor did I take off my shoes.  I weighed in the heaviest clothes I owned (oh why, oh why?!)  At least I had a way out if I didn’t want to skip and didn’t want to see bad news…


And so yesterday… I got on the scale.  


I did not wear light pants.  


I did not take off my shoes. 


I got on the scale and owned what number they gave back to me.  Not weighing doesn’t change anything.  Ignoring it doesn’t change anything.  Knowing it, recognizing it… that’s the only way to be able to do anything about it.


There we go.  I have blathered and blathered about myself, and recognized that while the numbers may not have been the desired result… I am still seeing results.  They are there, they are tangible… and the rest will fall into place so long as I keep at it.


Speaking of which, still have to work out before work, so take care, and have the good rest of your week!
———————
* I can assure you that the draft was started yesterday (02/16), but time escaped before I could flesh it out.  I could have twice as much time and still not get all I want to get accomplished done.  Just that way.

Three Notes Of Happy

The Husband… Action shot!

So, my impending weigh-in (where I’ll receive official confirmation of going up) is tomorrow.  I think it is okay… as could be surmised from my post, I was a little surprised 4 pounds came off to begin with… and I know I’m not 4 pounds back up.  Could be regular fluctuation and dehydration.  


However, I also recognize that while it shouldn’t affect me greatly, it is affecting me (and more than it should).  So my homework between now and next blog (tomorrow‘s blog, I promise) is to come up with 10 NSVs (non-scale victories) so that I can crow and also remember why it doesn’t matter and celebrate how far I’ve come.


So bear with me. 🙂


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So yesterday was Valentine’s Day, the “hallmark” of all things marketed to remove one from one’s money, and one of the many holidays to bridge the gap between Christmas and Christmas in July.


Yeah, witness me in my glass house throwing stones!  I do like it, because my partner in life and crime gets particularly sweet.


In fact, The Husband did two things all for me!

Most beautiful thing I’ve received for
Romantic Capitalism Day.

For one, in lieu of flowers or candy, he got me yarn!  He who thinks I have too much yarn actually added to my stash!  Sure, I did mention to him that one of my favorite yarn stores, The Sanguine Gryphon (yarn and mythological, dragon-y steam punk passion, AKA right up my alley!) was selling yarn bonbons in gorgeous colors, and they had a Valentine’s pack.  How beautiful is it?  Ah, I can’t wait to make something fabulous out of all of it… they are all my favorite. The non-chocolate treat was packed with a trio of chocolates (nestled there in the middle).  I chose one of the three and gave him the rest… my treat was Dove Chocolate Dark Chocolate and Cherry Swirl…  That was utterly fantastic.  I am glad there was only one!

You’ll eat when it’s ready!

The second gift The Husband bestowed upon me was the gift of me not having to cook!  I do enjoy cooking, but sometimes I enjoy a break, so he was more than happy to take a crack at Spicy Seafood Stew… but he decided to kick it up a notch!

If you think you see tentacle, let me assure
you that your eyes do not deceive.

Let me just say this; this is one of the recipes I made last week when we had our friend over, and it was made as listed in the recipe (except replacing quinoa with bulgur… because I had bulgur and I love bulgur).  As is, the recipe is pretty perfect, aside from the fact that this does not serve 4.  Sincerely, I don’t know when this recipe was made, but I find with a lot of older recipes… serving 4 means you get a huge honkin’ amount of food that I don’t think any one person was meant to eat.  My only thought was to make it a 6-serving dish.

This little dish packs a lot of food.
You will not be hungry after.

The husband had other ideas, however, and I think he made a pretty perfect dish even more perfect.  He kicked up the heat by using habanero pepper instead of jalapeño, he increased the calamari (yes, you do see tentacles in there! and added clams!  He did have mercy and reduced the number of servings to 6… and let me say it is still too much food.  But only just too much, not entirely roll-home like it was the first time (which I should note that I did turn into 5 servings at the time when I saw the food piling up into the dishes).  I highly recommend you give this dish a try!


Thank you, The Husband.  Valentine’s was very spicy, tasty, fiber-filled even indeed! ❤

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As they say, “Certainly not your grandfather’s tweed.”
My final note of happy (after yarn and stew) comes in the form of portable organization.  I moved from a purse that was cute and made me mildly unhappy to a purse that was less cute and made me incredibly annoyed… when my friend, who introduces me to many things cool (she is also one-half of the fabulous duo who run Ariadne Yarns and Fiber) got this fabulous bag… super cute and … is that organization I see?



Much to her non-surprise, I did almost immediately purchase one of my own.  Rickshaw bags has rocked my world!  I now have a fabulous bag that’s not hard to open and close, I can reach in and almost immediately find my keys… and I think that I even have room for a small knitting project.  I’m over the moon!

This thing is flipping huge inside… yet
I can find my keys!
Now these guys make bags in all sorts of sizes, and you can even get yours customized… but they had one that had me at Hello… and here it is, for your viewing pleasure.  I think when finance allows I may buy another bag (maybe a big one for larger trips, or a teeny-tiny one… I think I’m in trouble!)










– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

I’ve only known you a short time,
but I think, like The Husband, I love you forever.

Wish me luck tomorrow.  I’ll try my best not to be crazy, but if I am… remind me about my homework.

Accomplishment and Disappointment

Good news first:

This piece was lovingly hand-crafted
over the course of several hours…

  • Finished the body of my sweater (link to pattern author and pictures of hers, not mine)!  I figured it’d be about time to finish it now that the weather is warming up.  Currently going through the torture of picking up stitches for the shawl collar… but at least a major piece is done.
  • Started my learning to quilt class on Saturday, which was fun.  Of course, with the measuring and the cutting I was a bit… well, me.  So I was the last one to make my four-patch square.  It’s beautiful!  
  • Got to hang out with my friends a bit.  They are very good people, supportive and loyal and funny and fun to be around.  Warms the heart.
  • Ate some pizza, huzzah!  Pizza Fusion has become one of my favorites down here.  I always get Spinach and Artichoke… it has garlic on it (gaaaaaahlic), and it is simply delicious.
  • In tribute to my favorite organic pizza, I created a (non-organic, boo) recipe for Spinach and Artichoke Ziti Bake!  I can have this slightly more often as it is not as caloric… and it is delicious!  I look forward to posting the recipe soon!
Now bad news:

My daily fiber.  Very low calorie!
  • Picking up stitches is, in fact, torture.  My yarn, while beautiful, is not very forgiving, and tends to split, making the process twice as fun.
  • That four-patch?  I have to make 31 more of those prior to next Saturday, and also cut 32 larger squares.  
  • I need to clear out my clutter in order to set up sewing machine and equipment to accomplish the above.
  • My weight has gone right back up (not because of pizza… but I think I’ve been slacking and allowing too many BLTs (bites, licks, tastes).  There may have been fluctuation going on.
  • Easy come, easy go, Wii™ has me back as being overweight.  Wednesday should be fun. 😦
  • Not only still too busy at work, I also get to be on call for work this week.
  • And I’ve not blogged for several days.  Many a recipe review backed up…
Lots to accomplish, and very little time to do it.  Have a good week out there, and send a thought and/or prayer my way!  Let’s make it through together guys!

Maybe I got a little big again, but so did my sweater.
Finally!

(Ab)Normal

Ack!  I missed two days of blogging!  Did you miss me?


… No, don’t answer that!

Preview of Eggplant Parmesan… actually cheesier than me!

So life tends to be busy.  I’ve been super busy at work, and then afterward home is not very different.  I’ve been cooking a lot (and even enjoying it, even if I tend to grouch about it sometimes), focusing in on getting my sweater done (and making progress there… just in time for Spring?), and making sure I get plenty of exercise.  I’ve also set a bed time so I can get up and get lots of this stuff accomplished, so something had to give…  I’m sorry Blog!  It’s my intent to blog as much as I can, but perhaps I need to live some life first… and then blog about it.


– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

One thing you may be wondering is if I learned my lesson… once, publicly shaming myself with my incessant weighing, did I finally come to grips with myself and not stressed about the numbers so much.  Weeeeeeell… working on it.  I did think about how unhealthy I was being every single time I did hop on.  Though this habit may be new to you, it’s been with me since well before even WeightWatchers, which is why I’ve rarely owned a scale.  I really am working on trying to scale it back (ha-ha!), though yesterday wasn’t successful so far.


There is one thing the whole weighing thing revealed to me yesterday.  A couple of days ago during my trauma, I completely forgot that I had an emergency back-up weighing device.  The cute-yet-horrible Wii™ and it’s WiiFit™.  So, instead of learning my lesson, I spent my time weighing my self on two different devices.


“I’m just calibrating, just in case this happens again,” I confided to The Husband, who merely graced me with his bemused look before going back to shaving.  I hopped downstairs, my sassy-scale weight fresh in my mind, and made ready to hear chastisement and elephant sounds.


This is where I got the first shock of my life.

May 2010 picture while running.
Right now I’m over (in Ron Burgundy voice)
the most GLORIOUS rainbow!

WiiFit™ still wants me to lose weight.  WiiFit™ still wants me to weigh less than my ultimate goal weight.


… WiiFit™ says I’m a normal weight.


No.  That can’t be right.


“Let’s work on an BMI of 22,” it decreed while I just stared at the screen in a blank shock.  I’m not sure I really understood anything that happened after that.  I’m declared normal weight?


“Maybe a good weigh in today,” I thought, finally snapping out of it, and rushing back upstairs to get ready for work and my precious WeightWatchers meeting.


… where I learned, from my official source, the same thing WiiFit™ was trying to say.


I am a normal weight for my height.


… I have never, ever been able to say this.  EVER.  I was a chubby toddler, an overweight child, an obese teen, a morbidly obese adult… Normal, as to my personality, was never applicable to my weight in my memory.  


This also means I’m incredibly close to my goal… 11.6 pounds (yeah, I’m trying to land on a whole number).  All of these things… to think that when I first weighed what I did 64 pounds ago, I wished i could weigh just 45 pounds less… and here I am, barreling towards my goal.  


… Let me tell you guys, it can be done.  It can!  Even I can’t believe it… but I have to.  It can be done!  (Much WeightWatchers love, and much love to you, who are my support and encouragement).


– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Didn’t you used to cook?  Where are your recipe reviews?!


I’d like to imagine that you care and are asking that.  Well, yes!  Have been cooking a few things… quite a few tasty things!  Some didn’t make it to pictures, they were that good, but lucky for all of us you’ll be subject to my bad photography skills this Friday and weekend as I go over a few winner recipes that you simply must try!

Broken

For a Monday, things were not looking terribly bad.  I woke up a few minutes before my alarm (having had a great night’s rest for once), and even though I knew I’d be busy this week, I was looking forward to the challenges ahead of me.  With as much pep in my step as the early hour would allow, I trotted off to the bathroom for my morning ritual of weighing before I do anything.


The familiar red hexagon beginning with the instruction “Tap foot here” is where I gave my foot a gentle tap. 


I waited a minute, and frowned.  There should be… glowing blue (yes, it was pretty early in the morning).  I tapped again.


Tap.  Tap.  Tap-tap.  


Tap-tap-taptaptaptaptaptaptaptappoundpoundPOUNDPOUNDPOUND!


Oh no.  Oh sweet merciful heaven, no!


My non-talking, sassy, no nonsense scale … really didn’t talk back at all.


Tap.


I frantically rip open the battery compartment, jiggle the batteries, and back in they go.


Tap.


Nothing.


My brain catches up to the battery jiggling portion.  Triple-A batteries?!  What the heck uses Triple-A batteries anymore aaaaaah, The Husband, heeeeeeeeeeelp!


– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

I don’t need life lessons!  I need my scale!
(Full disclosure, picture from April 2010)

Okay, I think I’ve mentioned my significant character flaw quite recently.  I am quite obsessed with weighing two things: portion sizes and myself.  I do not lie, as shamed as I am to admit it.  I’ve tried to ween myself off of so much weighing (of myself, portion size I think is acceptable), and with little success.  I constantly want to know where I am, morning, noon and night.  


This morning, I felt like a ship lost at sea.  Suddenly, I was unsure of what to eat, how to exercise, what my weigh-in in three day’s time would be like… how am I supposed to live?


“Well, maybe,” The Husband offered helpfully, “this is a good opportunity for you to stop weighing yourself so mu-“


“Shuddupshuddupshuddup!”  I stormed around in a little circle of uselessness between the bathroom and the bedroom.  “If I was a Triple-A-powered-device, where would I be, and how many batteries would I have?”  I wondered briefly if I should wear eyeshadow.  I might gain weight if I do.  I really wasn’t sure…


From the nether-regions of boxes we brought to the house when we moved in… several years ago, The Husband found batteries (another uncharacteristic display of morning time alertness in as many days).  Triple-A.  With an expiration of December 2010.


“It’s worth a shot,” he said with that annoying calm, logical voice of his, placing in the batteries.  I hopped about impatiently, wondering how many pounds I’d just gained in stress weight.


The scale was back on the floor.


Tap.


… nothing.


“Gyaaaaaa-oh?  Is that the time?”  Suddenly, there was the idea that perhaps I should actually get my day started and get to work.  Worked out, went to the scale.  Tap.  Showered, got dressed.  Tap.  Ate breakfast.  …Tap?  Okay, out the door.


This was the last I thought about it.  Work was busy, and there were people to follow up with, things to do.  In other words… the same thing that happens every day when I’m separated from my vice.  I lived.  I even got home and lived some more (I did visit once, forgetting, but then got into my new Food Network Magazine, full of Italian food this month that I’m wondering how I can mod to work for me.


I don’t have to be broken, but apparently I choose to be.  Because when a lesson should have been learned here… but when The Husband came home with the groceries, the first thing I did was grab the batteries and dash upstairs.


C’mon baby.  We’ve had our ups and downs, but you don’t want to give up on me yet, do you?


Tap.


Glowing blue.


Aaaaaaah…


I weighed, and went back to life.  Heck, I may only do it once more before bed.  Did I learn anything?  I don’t think so.  I don’t know, really.  I want to be better about this.  I just don’t know how, and I don’t think cold turkey is the answer.  So I don’t have any answers, but I do have glowing blue.  


Except I can’t leave it here, so here it is.  I will weigh less… in that I will lose (a very little) more weight and I will not weigh myself as much.  I’ll keep you posted how it goes.  Perhaps I should work with the theory that if I use the scale less, the batteries will last longer… because really, who uses Triple-A?!